A Team Member in Personal Crisis

Someone on the team is going through something — illness, loss, a family emergency, a divorce. They’ve told me, or I’ve found out.

In the moment

• Lead with humanity, not logistics. The first thing out of my mouth is about them, not the work.
• Do not problem-solve. Do not ask for more details than they offer.
• Ask what they need. Then listen.
• Tell them what I’ll handle so they don’t have to think about it: coverage, comms, expectations.

In the following days

• Reduce load. Real reduction, not theater. If projects need to slip, they slip.
• Check in regularly but not constantly. “Thinking of you, no need to respond” is its own gift.
• Don’t volunteer them as the brave face. They don’t owe anyone an update.
• Protect their privacy fiercely. Share only what they’ve asked me to share, with whom they’ve asked.

What to watch for in yourself

• Wanting to fix it. I cannot fix it. My job is to make their work life easier so they have capacity for the rest of life.
• Performing concern publicly rather than providing space privately.
• Forgetting to follow up after the first week. The hard part for many people is week four, not day one.

Common traps

• Asking medical or relationship details that aren’t mine to know.
• Promising things on behalf of HR or the company that I can’t deliver.
• Going silent because I don’t know what to say. Imperfect presence beats absence.
• Pulling them into something “to take their mind off it” without asking.

Sample language

“I’m so sorry. You don’t need to explain more than you want to. What would help right now?”

“I’ve got [X] covered. Don’t think about it. If anything else comes up, tell me and I’ll handle it.”

“I’m thinking of you. No reply needed.”