The Day Someone Resigns

A team member tells me they’re leaving. Maybe one I love. Maybe one I didn’t see coming.

In the moment

• Thank them. Mean it.
• Do not react emotionally in front of them. The room belongs to them right now, not me.
• Do not counter-offer in the first conversation, even if I want to. Reflexive counter-offers are usually about my fear, not their growth.
• Ask, with genuine curiosity, what led to the decision.

In the following days

• Have a real conversation about why — not to change their mind, but to learn. Look for what’s about them (growth, opportunity) and what’s about us (something we could have fixed).
• Plan the transition together. Be generous with their remaining time.
• Tell the team thoughtfully. Let the person shape how the news lands when possible.
• Honor them publicly on their way out. The team is watching how I treat departures.

What to watch for in yourself

• Taking it personally. Most resignations are not about me, even when some of them are.
• Counter-offer as ego rescue. If they need to leave to grow, the right thing is to let them grow.
• Resentment leaking into how I treat their remaining weeks. The team will read this instantly.

Common traps

• Making the conversation about my disappointment.
• Asking for confidentiality when they need to tell their close colleagues.
• Skipping the exit conversation because it’s uncomfortable.
• Letting the offboarding be sloppy. How people leave is part of how the team feels about staying.

Sample language

“Thank you for telling me directly. I’m sad to lose you, and I’m genuinely grateful for what you’ve brought. Help me understand what led to this.”

“I’m not going to try to talk you out of it in this conversation. I want to make sure you’ve got what you need from here.”